Thursday, June 5, 2008

How Being a Parent Makes You (Even More) Vulnerable to Hollywood

I am, as usual, hiding in the Latin classroom, and Ms. N, the Latin teacher, is showing Gladiator, perhaps otherwise known as The Most Manipulative, Sentimental Movie that Ever Dared Masquerade as a Historical Narrative Ever, or also I’m Russell Fucking Crowe and I’m Playing a Fucking Spaniard without Bothering to Make Even a Cursory Effort to Disguise my Australian Accent because Fuck It, and I have just watched the Praetorian Guard murder Russell Crowe’s son. I am riveted, and utterly slain, and would be lying on the floor bawling if not for the fact that there is a full class of high school students in the room.

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