Ways in which my body has changed since I got pregnant and gave birth:
1. My tummy is softer, darker, pouchier, and wrinklier.
2. My butt is flat. This is very, very sad, because my butt used to be my best feature. I now no longer have a best feature.
3. I have perineal scar tissue, pursuant to my baby literally tearing me a new one. (All readers who have had no childbirth experience are now writhing on the floor in disgust and possibly vomiting. Sorry.) This is not really an aesthetic problem, but it makes SOMETHING painful and a little scary. I have heard, though, that there are people out there who have more than one child. This means that, in many cases, SOMETHING eventually gets accomplished even after one has given birth once, so I remain optimistic.
4. I poop more often.
5. My breasts are bigger. They say that, after you're done nursing, your breasts stop being bigger and may, in fact, get smaller than they were before. I plan to be a true believer in the extended nursing philosophy.
6. I am no longer allergic to wine.
7. My hair is falling out.
8. I have asthma.